366 days of Eriel Uy.

Been a minute

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 01:47:45 -0400

A lot has happened since I last blogged on this. I always attempt to write posts, but end up saving them as a draft or getting frustrated and deleting them all together. I guess my 365+1 Day Journal will never get to see how the rest of my Summer was. Oh well. It was nothing special anyways.

Anywho. I started Junior year almost exactly one week ago. This past few days have definitely been something new for me and I am just learning how to adjust to that. After being extra and letting out all the stuff thats been bottled up, I am happy to say that I am ready for Junior year and whats to come…… (or so I think I am.)

This past week has probably been one of the most overwhelming experiences.

First. It was triggered by you. Now that it’s all said and done, I’ll admit, I was completely attracted to you. Whether it was because you gave me the extra attention that one else did, or because I knew I couldn’t have you, or just simply because I enjoyed your company.. a part of me has always liked you. But what we had going was obviously going nowhere. Wrong timing. Restrictions. People. So much getting in the way of what coulda been. Crazy thing is, I never allow myself to get involved or fall for anyone. But this time, I was willing. I know I’m not ready to be with someone, & apparently you aren’t either. But I thought after all these years of pushing people away, this time, it might be worth a shot. But you don’t feel the same, I totally and completely respect that. You told me not wait. So I’m not. I know it ended quickly and a lot was left unsaid, but it took me A LOT to gather up all that and confront you about everything. And you let me. That’s when I knew it was really time to cut things off. I’m sorry. I don’t exactly know why you’re angry but I guess I’ll never find out. Hope everything works out for you.

Anyways. Finally letting things out about a boy was def something new to me. Feeling attached, or wanting someone, in a sense, is all something I’m not used to. I know its completely normal to feel that way, and its not wrong at all. But needing someones presence in order for me to have a good day is not a feeling I like. It makes me feel like someone else is in control of my feelings. And that’s just a no. I couldn’t handle feeling something new like that, especially with all the other BS thats going on.

Which brings me to my next point— the other BS.

First off. There’s school itself. The thought of school terrifies me, but thats also completely normal. It’s junior year. Everyone wants to succeed, right?

What scares me is all that I put on my plate. I sign up for so many events, participate in so many activities, and always want to be involved. It wasn’t until today that I realized that maybe I am not ready to handle all of that. The thing with being a student at Cerritos High School, is I always feel not good enough. My classmates next to me all talk about their busy schedules of 4 AP classes, internships, SAT Academies, tutor, clubs, etc etc etc! The pressure to get at their level is always at an all time high. I just want to feel good enough. Sadly, I got a little carried away.

To some people, it may not be much.. but to me, it’s more than enough.

3 AP Classes. Captain on Cerritos Dance Drill Team. Prom Committee Commissioner of Events. Model United Nations. Key Club. and new stuff like Communion/Confirmation classes & Alani’s Debut.

Second of all, something that I hold close to my heart— dancing. Dancing with my team to be exact. Not going into detail, but all in all, my team is experiencing some major changes. Whether we like it or not, I know as a Captain, I always have to stay positive, and lead the team through it. But it is so hard to do when there is so much discouragement around. SO. HARD. It’s a little disappointing seeing people I expected to work the hardest, to complain or discourage others instead, but I know its unintentional. I just wish they understand the consequences of the words that come out of their mouth. Being on the team right now is so hard. I miss everything. How things used to be. But I’m slowly starting to accept change. And what I want most is for everyone else to start accepting it too. Like. AKLHGKAGKAHKSLDGKDSLJGKGJ THIS TOPIC ISNT REALLY SOMETHING I CAN BLOG ABOUT BUT ALGKALJGKJ <33333 UGH.

Thinking about all of this def got to me last night. A series of unfortunate events and bad timing left me in one of my RARE breakdowns.

Lets backtrack a little. I started my day off good. I had ended things with you the night before, but I woke up trying to stay positive. Then first period came along. I was okay. Until the subject came up and I cried. And at first I didn’t know why I was crying. And that made me cry even more. Eriel doesn’t cry over boys. Hahaha. But first period ended great. Dancing with a great group of people put me in the happiest mood. School was whatever. All went okay. After school when I headed home, I even got most of my homework done. I was super productive all of a sudden. Then practice came along. I found out bittersweet news.. and there came crying part 2. Now THIS boy was well worth the tears. The news was just shocking to me and I couldn’t handle at the moment.

And then my Mom picked me up for a confirmation meeting, and as I sat there next to my Mom, across from the church guy or whatever, everything hit me. He was reading off all these dates and events I would have to attend to, and after every single one he’d tell me, I associated it with an conflicting event I already have planned. It made me feel like I was running out of time. I held it together, but once I got into the car, I had to let at least something out. Unfortunately, my Mom responded to my tears telling me that I need to make certain things not mean so much to me. I guess she doesn’t understand…. but when something means a lot to you, that never changes. After that unpleasant 3 minute conversation, it just left me feeling even more akldjsfgklasglajs.

Then I started to feel sick. My insides were twisting and I felt like I had to throw up. But of course like the stubborn girl I am, I returned back to practice and attempted to dance. However, my performance/runthrough just put me in an even worst state. That was the worst I’ve ever danced, or worst I’ve ever felt while dancing. Those few weeks without practice left me with no body control, no technique, and I may have even lost all my stage presence. Ugh.

Got home. and let it all out. I laid on my couch with what I thought was another stomach flu, trying to calmly explain to my sister how I was feeling. But I couldn’t. She told me that it sucks, but things can get worse— and that I was starting to feel physically sick because of how overwhelmed I felt all in one day.

I woke up this morning with those words lingering in my head. “I know it sucks Eriel, but things are probably gonna get worse. Its just gonna get harder from here,” she said. I know I had taken a little too much on my plate. Too much for my own liking. But it is my responsibility. And I’m ready to do it. I’m ready to take on what this year has to offer me. And I’m slowly learning to accept the fact that there will be many times I will fail. But its okay. I’ll be okay.

Letting everything out and finally not bottling myself up feels good. It’s bitter, because in order for me to vent, there would have to be something wrong.. which is never good. But its sweet knowing that I can get through it. Thanks to all those who have continuously been checking up on me these past few days. I am truly blessed with THEE best of friends. Appreciate it. Love you all. Xoxo

Day 180: Woke up early, yet again! Hahaha. Picked up the nieces...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:48:35 -0400

Day 180: Woke up early, yet again! Hahaha. Picked up the nieces then met up with the other niece and nephew! Watched Brave & had John’s Incredible Pizza :]]]] Ateh Ranella visited. Stopped by Kyles with BFF and Elinni real quick. BFF’s house. Cha2o to go & some weird movie! Haha. Then went homeeeeee

Day rate: 5/10

Day 179: Worked at the bakery all day. Picked up by Kyle then...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:44:43 -0400

Day 179: Worked at the bakery all day. Picked up by Kyle then California Adventures with him, BFF, & Elinni that night! They made me go on Tower of Terror -___- Then Cha2o before we headed home. Their buffalo chicken wontons suck. So does their bacon fried rice. THE LITTLE PEAS CAN GTFO hahahaha!

Day rate: 6/10

Day 178: After Disneyland the day before, I was pooooped. Ended...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:40:39 -0400

Day 178: After Disneyland the day before, I was pooooped. Ended up getting woken up before 7AM to get ready -____- LOL

Took the kiddos to Kidspace Science Museum in Pasadena! It was actually really cute. Lol i love when the little cousins get to spend time together. Happy they had a really good time ahahah. Ate at Lemonade after and then headed home. Kyle BFF & Elinni picked me up later and I spent the resta my night with them. Set up the cabana thing in Kyle’s backyard and kicked in theyurrrrrr ;) & Auntie char made us tacos for dinner mmmmmM! <3 Def good vibessss. Felt like summer was finally kickin in!

Day rate: 7/10

Day 176: not photographed. Worked at the bakery. Got picked up...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:34:57 -0400

Day 176: not photographed. Worked at the bakery. Got picked up by BFF, Elinni, Kyle, Jonny. Went to Heritage real quick & yeah *smirk face* Hahahaha. Got to BFF’s and knocked!

Day 177: DISNEYLAND WITH BFF & ELINNI <3 Threezy wooooooop! + kicked it with Kyle & Dev for a lil lol

Day rate: 7/10

Day 175: -Alani’s grad party. Hahah awks at first, but...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:27:14 -0400

Day 175:

-Alani’s grad party. Hahah awks at first, but went wellll :) Oh my gah…. you have pretty eyes heheheh

-PAMS GOING AWAY PARTY! <3 LOL had a good time. Nice seeing “the table” outside of school. Lol spent my night there. Goood stuff! Food & good company. All i need hahaha

-Best and Sarah slept over! He made me sleep on the freaking floor -___-

Day rate: 7/10

Day 174: Ran in the morning with the sister. Went on the...

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 04:22:44 -0400

Day 174: Ran in the morning with the sister. Went on the olyptical machine thing for like barely 15 minutes bahahah & then did pilate videos. Then napped showered yadda yadda, then got ready for Paige’s Debut!

It was definitely a gooood night. It was so nice to be reunited with faces I RARELY get to see. So crazy to see helllla old friends and catch up! <3 I grew up with my ASPAC family & I’m so happy to still have that relation with them.

So proud of Paige, too. It was such an honor to be seated at her main table, and to be a candle as well! Thank you Paige <3 Congratulations on everything accomplished & thank you for everything. I love you!

Day rate: 7.5/10

j0ni0: you really don’t, I’m tough so I can take the harsh...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 03:18:52 -0400

j0ni0:

you really don’t, I’m tough so I can take the harsh truth.

fashionbluntsnbitchez: (via imgTumble)

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 03:18:13 -0400

fashionbluntsnbitchez:

(via imgTumble)

reinadream: toliverr: COREY I DEDICATE THIS TO YOU OK Haha...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 03:16:51 -0400

reinadream:

toliverr:

COREY I DEDICATE THIS TO YOU OK
Haha omg this is me.

Photo

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 02:57:53 -0400

Lmao

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 04:57:17 -0400

Question answered.
Questions fuuuuuckin confirmed.

Sionara “budddddy”!

So like

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 03:02:08 -0400

one of my closest friends pretty much hates you right now and doesn’t like you and thinks you lead me on and that you’re a douche and part of me wants to side with her and agree because, yes, you can be a douche and maybe you did lead me on but i know that this is partly my fault for letting myself feel this way and letting it go on for so long and I’m so dumb and why why whyyyyyy am i so dumb kldgjaklja and now you’re all adlkghsadkgjklajkls like ugh idk why I’m complaining because “this is what i wanted” but shits so different now like wtfffffff i dont even know why I’m so butthurt and shit because if what i wanted were to happen, then what? nothing. hollllyyyyyy.

hmm. i wonder if i read this at the end of 2012 i’ll understand what I’m talking about. this post makes no sense. just how everything in my head feels lmao okay bye

Day 173: LAST DAY OF FUGGIN SOPHOMORE YEAR. DDT FINAL, check!...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 19:10:22 -0400

Day 173: LAST DAY OF FUGGIN SOPHOMORE YEAR.

DDT FINAL, check! S/o to Susie, Elbin, and Justin <3 Hehehe our group was cuuuute! Good jahbbbb team! APUSH/MUN FINAL, check! Lmao that is the worst I’ve EVER done on a scantron test. Oh my. Thank you Mr. Mustard for giving us a heads up on how next year will be!

Hahah after school, kicked it at Sarah’s for a bit debating on what the cheetahs should do! Ended up having lunch at Niko Niko :))) Mmmmm! Went to Alia’s after, then headed to Graduation 2012! Congratulations to all the graduates. So proud of you guys! At some point between the calling of names and the crazy ass fireworks, it hit me that it wouldn’t be too long till I was down there in a cap and gown. Freaking CRAZY. Time is going by way too quick :(

After, had dinner with Alani’s family at Pho. Congratulations, Miss Alani Manalaysay. You will definitely by missed. Love you! <3

Day rating: 7.5/10

Day 172: Filipino final, CHECK! Easy peasy lemon squeezy....

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 19:03:16 -0400

Day 172: Filipino final, CHECK! Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Chemistry final, CHECK! FML LOL got 59/82… but I still have a B in the class so its all goody. Just happy to finally be done with chemistry maynnnn! Came home and kicked it with my baby nieces at the bakery real quick. Then took em home, then to the park! Omg the things them two notice at the park is crazy. They observe like… everything and “explore” and try looking for all the different types of ducks and plants and turtles and whatnot! HAHAHA. Bought them ice cream, and then my Papa picked us up :) Ran some errands.. off to pick up my dress & go to Bloomingdales really quick. Then that night, had some BOILING CRAB. Om nom nom nommmm.

Day rating: 6/10

Day 169: not photographed. Happy Father’s Day! Woke up and...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 18:58:00 -0400

Day 169: not photographed. Happy Father’s Day! Woke up and woke my Papa up to give him balloons and a yummy cake :) Had lunch at Hibachi buffet with the parents, nieces, Kuya Rigel & Ateh Kathie, and the cousinnnn Tom! Nom nom nommmm. Spent a lil time at the bakery and then went to church!

Even though my Papa will probably never see this, I just wanted to say thank ya! Since day one, my Papa has worked so hard to provide for me and the family. Forever treating my like a lil Princess. Love you forever & always papa! <3

Day 170: Mondays. Yuck. Went to school with natural hair and no eyeliner and ooooh honey, i liked a hot mess. But since the seniors weren’t there, it was the annual “switching of the tables” time. LOL SO FUNNYYYY. Anyways. Went dress shopping after school. FAIL. Then had the first DDT meeting of the year!! :) Crazy how quick things are startingggg. When the coaches were talking about comp season my tummy started getting all tingly and I got excited hehehe.

Came home to my nieces playing dress up in my room <3 They are staying here the whole week! Giving them the “slumber party” experience ;)

Day ratings: 5/10

Day 171: English final, CHECK! Math final, CHECK! Guppys date with BFF’s fam and Elinni after school :) Then watched Project X at Kyle’s real quick. Spent the restaaa the night at the bakery. Baked with the nieces at home tho! Love having them around :)

Day rating: 6/10

Day 168: THREEZY REUNITED!!!!! <3 Woke up a lil early &...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 18:48:21 -0400

Day 168: THREEZY REUNITED!!!!! <3

Woke up a lil early & got ready to go with BFF to pick up Ms. Elinni Veliz from the airport! Ahhhh. Spent the day with her & BFF. Went to BFF’s fam party in Moreno Valley. Then later that night drove around with them two and Kyle.

It was so nice to spend time with her and see her and be together US THREE after FOUR FUUUGGGIN YEARS. Catching up and all that good stuff! I love it. Can’t wait for the days to come!

Day rate: 7/10

Day 167: Seniors last day of school. I know I’m not even a...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 06:14:00 -0400

Day 167: Seniors last day of school. I know I’m not even a senior, but I was so anxious for this day to come. I was not ready at all to say goodbye to some of those people. Specifically my DRILL seniors <3 I remember at USA Nationals I told them I’d wait to say goodbye at Spectacular. Then at Spectacular.. I said I’d wait till Showcase Assembly. Then at Showcase Assembly I told myself “there’s still banquet!” After banquet.. distance grew and I was kinda speechless. I kept my distance.. until today came around. Bahaha & even today I told myself… graduation is not till next Thursday! Blah. Im so lame and overdramatic with these things LOL <3

School was… the same. LOL. Except Kyle tried being all cute and came in my class during MUN and gave me a rose! Everyone in my class, including Mr. Mustard, started shooting on me & thought I was mean because I was just like “Thanks bro” & shook Kyles hand >:) Hehehe I knew he was effinnnn wit me! Then 5 seconds later… *text* Aye imma need that back after class. Lol typical Kyle

MUN was really cute though. Our instructor’s assistants’ Katheryn Lee & Sonia Sharma’s last day of school <3 We made them sweatshirts that had IA, their last names, and CHSMUN written on it. We also all went around and made “speeches” on how much we love em! Then they made us shirts and brought us cookies, and made a lil speech about each and everyone of us. Honestly, those two have def left a big impact on us MUN kiddos. We would not be the strong class of delegates without them two being great mentors and role models. Ahahaha like Brian said, those two are gonna be co-presidents of the world! LOL they are so smart and sweet and ahhh. When Sonia was talking about me in the lil speech thing, she said that my smile brings her positivity and that she thinks I’m a strong delegate and loves how I deliver speeches and ahhhh. She made me so happy <3 I wish them two the best at Berkeley and UCLA!

When lunchtime came around… that was the hard part. Took pictures with all my favorite seniors <3 (TOO BAD THE GIRLS THAT MEAN MOST AKA ALANI MANALAYSAY AND MONICA LAO ARE NOT EVEN PICTURED IN THIS POST -_- WHERES OUR PICTURE TOGETHER?!) Anyways. I saw Alani and Pammy hugging. Balling their eyes. and yup. There came the friggggin waterworks. Just knowing they’ll be leaving really makes my tummy twist and ahhhhhh. I was ballin and Alani kept saying “No Eriel, I know we’ll stay close. We have to” yadda yadda yadda. And I really want to believe her. I really do. But things will never be the same. We’re never going to have as strong a bond as we do now. Everyone will be off doing their own thing. But I mean, you can’t blame em! Hahaha my fault for getting so attached right ? :/ Mmm. But like I said, I told both her and Monica that as long as they are in my life somehow.. I will be fine. I will definitely have big shoes to fill, but I owe it to those two to try my hardest. You guys will forever be my captains! <3 Love you Class of 2012. Wish you all the best.

After school, totally and complete forgot I had a scheduled date with Anne & Sarah. FINA EFFING LY. Us three haven’t hung us US THREE for almost a year, now. It was so nice to have both of them with me at the same time. We had a late lunch/early dinner @ Mimi’s Cafe :] Fun fun fun stuff with those chicas! Love them two & how we maintain a relationship even though we aren’t SUPER close. <3

Got home, took a nap. And then was bored shitless with the cousin from the PI. So we decided to go out & watch a movie. Hehehe picked up some Boba and snacks then watched Snow White & the Huntsman which was actually pretty good! Just got home. and Now me & him are bored again. Bahaha. Wellllll. My blog is finally up to date as of now. Yayyyyyy! Kbye

Xoxo

Day rating: 7/10

Days 163-166: Typical school days. Just tryna push thru it till...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 05:57:00 -0400

Days 163-166: Typical school days. Just tryna push thru it till the end. This week: ignored the seniors because I didn’t wanna face saying goodbye LMAO. almost finished the piece with Susie, Justin, and Elbin for the choreo final. Baked with my nieces. Had good talks with Sydney Wiley <3 Went over Alia’s house after forever! Kicked it with Keonee & Nart & Sarah again. Dasssss allll

Week rating: 6.5/10

Day 162: First failure to meet my Captain duties.. and the...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 05:49:00 -0400

Day 162: First failure to meet my Captain duties.. and the season has not even began yet -__- Late for my Rosebowl call time. EFF. EM. FUUUUUGGIN. ELL. Hate being late. Hate seeming like a hypocrite. Ugh. Anyways. Rosebowl was Rosebowl. Super hot. Legs dead tired. Thats that. Lol

Day rate: 3/10